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My girlfriend of 8 years admitted she cheated on me with a close friend (messy)
So, since I'm here I suppose I should give some backstory. This will probably get lengthy so ill put a tl;dr at the bottom. I (M/23) started dating my (ex)girlfriend (We'll call her C; F/23) since sophomore year in high school. We were the textbook "high school sweethearts". Fast forward thru 6 years of good, bad and everything in between; having 2 two kids and dealing with a miscarriage, etc... we essentially were a married couple without the title, and we pretty much operated as such. (ironically enough i was planning on proposing to her the week after d-day..) Now the last year or so me and C had been hanging out with one of my close friends (we'll call him J) and his girlfriend (S); who also have two kids together. Me and J had known each other for years, but hadn't talked much recently so it was cool to catch up; and S and my girlfriend C became friends quickly, as well as our children. At this point we are like family to each other, we went on vacations together, playdates, babysat for each other etc. Now, the past few months before d-day, C started to show telltale signs of cheating (now that I look back).. but due to the fact that she has severe bipolar disorder which she is prescribed medication for (but she did not take it regularly), it was hard for me to fully gauge what was going on; because manic depressive episodes can exhibit wild symptoms that eerily align with cheating behavior (i know, i pick em great right). So I was concerned; but moreso for her mental well being, than for what I was about to discover in the near future. Here's where things get hairy. (D-Day) So I get ready leave the house to do uber eats. I do this part time to pay the bills, I've been learning to trade forex for the last few months so I needed something that could free up time. Anyway, before I leave C asks me for a kiss, I kiss her and the kids and then I head out... No less than 20 minutes after I left, I check my phone and see a string of messages from C, and then I get a call from her. When I answer the phone she's already crying. She tells me that about two months ago her and J fucked. She tells me that J told her I would run off and fuck other girls and meet up with them on some dating app on my phone. None of which is true, for the record. He essentially fed her a bunch of bullshit, and she blindly accepted it as truth. She claims she fucked him to get "revenge" at me for everything I ever "did" (even though as far as infidelity goes, I did nothing). C destroyed our relationship, family, and her friendship with S, all off of hearsay. J helped mastermind it all, and also destroyed our friendship, along with his relationship with S. Worst part is, I was hitting J up the 2 weeks before D-Day to chill, and he wouldn't even respond. Making me look like an even bigger clown. I reacted in pure rage, said some things I probably shouldn't have in the heat of the moment, and then told her to get her shit out of my house. She of course at this point is hysterical and is screaming through tears for me to not leave her, that she wants to save our family, that it only happened once and there was no feelings involved beyond her trying to get back at me. At this point though I just don't know if I can believe it. both C and J disrespected me to the ABSOLUTE highest level, not only me but also S. They orchestrated a whole plan to make it happen and then hid it for 2 months. She did also come to me and admit it on her own. Not that that excuses it AT ALL, but my thinking is, in reality I could've found out in worse ways than her direct admission. I'm so torn here reddit. I love this girl to death, and want nothing more than to save our family. I grew up in a split home and i saw and heard things I shouldn't have, and i remember the depression i went through during that time.. i dont want that for my kids.. BUT I also know that I've NEVER been betrayed like this before in my life, not only by an SO but a friend as well. I'm completely heartbroken, and I've had hurt in the past but I've never felt true heartbreak like I do right now. Im doing my best to avoid contacting her, but we have two kids so it makes it really hard at times.. ive been learning to focus on me, but I have to literally keep my mind preoccupied 110% of the time, or I start to go into the same thought loops about this whole situation :(. Do I give the love of my life a second chance after something like this? For the sake of my family? I know I have zero trust for her, and i understand that if we EVER were to rekindle something in the future, it will be a long time, if ever before the pain goes away. it will not be the same as before, we will be starting from scratch. I just would like advice on if there's anything worth saving or not. If so, what signs should I be looking for thats shes actually invested in making things right? If not, how do i start this healing process and begin to move on from an 8 year investment and a now dysfunctional family? Because I'm so fucking lost right now guys. Thanks for reading all the way to the end, I dropped tears writing this and any advice is appreciated. **UPDATE 9/20 C is out out the house now. Ironically she's already moved into a new apartment. I'm not dumb and I know 9 times out of 10 you don't just find an new apartment in a single day.. maybe my paranoia but probably not honestly. Ive been avoiding contact with her beyond child related things. I tried to contact S, but Ironically her phone was broken in the fight her and J had... she tried to message me on Facebook the night I found out to help her move her daughter dressed into a storage unit, but I was physically weak and couldn't even think of what to say in response at that time. Not that she did anything wrong at all. At this point S has removed herself from Facebook so I'm trying to figure out another way to get ahold of her to try to get extra insight. Will post another update if/when I get more details. C tried to "shit test" me today, and since we're now apart i could see it blind as day. She FaceTimed me, I normally would've ignored but i can see my daughter on the preview so i answer. C claims the kids wanted to talk to me, but they seemed relatively uninterested when I tried. Which no big deal, but its what came next that was so weird. What im talking about is her making a comment on a new vape i just got. How it was "so cool" and she wanted to see me take a drag off it again. This is significant only because I KNOW from being with her for 8 years that it turns her on to see me do smoke tricks. That's just always been her. On top of that, she kept taking the camera off the kids, and trying to talk to me about things that happened in her day indirectly. I kept it brief and told her i was busy before she could drag it on.. WHY IS SHE DOING THIS? This is fucking with my head even more now.. ALSO today I was working on music and I went into my downloads folder and noticed something called "J's App". Its date modified is 8/11. This lines up with the timeline C gave me which made me sick to my stomach. I open it, fully prepared to find some type of cynical cheating app they were using to sneak around on me with... Turns out its an application for some ged boot camp for high-school drop outs. This girl had the NERVE to let this fucking bum use my laptop to apply for this shit?! I now certainly question the length of their relationship and the details behind it. For now, im going to continue with space and avoiding contact but I will be sitting down with C next week to lay everything on the table. Full truths, full openness, adult discussion no kid games. At that point ill either have closure to know the truth (or as much as I can get of it), or know if there's any chance of redemption, which at this point has went from 25% to 5%. Thank you all sooo much for your advice and support during this; Alot of hard pills to swallow right now but its what I need. You guys are foreal a family to me and I will be here to support anyone here, new or old thats ever had to feel the way i feel right now. Tl;dr my girlfriend of 8 years and mother of my 2 kids had an ONS with my friend, who is(was) dating her best friend. Now she wants to work things out
Tips to Follow Before Planning an International Trip
Travelling abroad can be equally exciting and daunting. Visiting another country means experiencing a different culture. Unlike journeying domestically, going abroad requires a lot of documentation and formalities before you can embark on a trip. This, of course, also depends on which country you are planning to go to. Regardless, extensive planning and preparation is needed before you undertake your journey. You need to thoroughly research the nation that you’ll be visiting to facilitate a smooth experience. If you’ve decided on exploring new places overseas, here are some international travel tips you might find useful: 1. Check Your Passport Most countries will deny entry to tourists whose passports will expire within 6 months from their date of arrival. To avoid any unnecessary drama at the airport, it’s important that you check your passport before you plan your travel. If the six-month expiry is drawing near, renew your passport before your travel. This has got to be the most import first international trip tip that you need to keep in mind. 2. Get Your Documents in Order When you’re headed out of the country, you need to carry your passport, ensure you have a valid visa, purchase insurance, and make all your bookings before-hand. To ensure that you don’t leave any of these important documents behind, create an international travel documents checklist for yourself. Before leaving the house, ensure you double-check to see that you’ve got everything you need. 3. Sort out Your Finances Always remember to carry local currency with you. Even though most shops and stores will accept card payments, you’ll still need some change for taxis and buses. Apart from this, you should also carry your credit card, or a forex card. If you intend on using your credit card abroad, make sure you notify your bank in advance, so they don’t assume your card is stolen and block your finances when you need it the most. 4. Book a Health Check-Up Before travelling to certain countries, you may need to get a few shots or take some tablets in the weeks leading up to your departure. Schedule an appointment with your doctor to get the required medication for your chosen destination. 5. Carry an Adapter There’s nothing worse than being stranded in the middle of a new country with no way to charge your phone, camera, or laptop. The country you’re visiting may have different electrical sockets than what you’re used to at home. Do a little research and purchase a travel adapter that will work in your preferred destination. Now that you’re armed with all the international travel essentials, you’re ready to fly off and explore the world. While many people tend to avoid travelling abroad due to the high cost, there are a number of international tour packages available today that are quite pocket-friendly. Make sure you do all your research and find a holiday deal that works well for you and your finances.
It's another one those “let's have a rational discussion about Bitcoin” posts. As something of a believer I am not interested in trashing Bitcoin, but it's clear that not everyone's vision of the future for Bitcoin is the same, so here is mine. First the negative. Bitcoin is terrible for in person transactions, and I suspect it always will be. What Bitcoin excels at is being “Internet Money”. No average Joe wants to wait 10 minutes for a confirmation whilst buying a cup of coffee. The main arguments against this are a mixture of “zero confirms is good enough” and “services on top of Bitcoin facilitating off chain transactions”. Merchants do care about small value losses, the CCTV cameras in most small convenience stores prove this, whilst the Satoshi client does not let you double spend easily with zero confirms, in terms of the protocol it is trivial. If Bitcoin adoption grows and zero confirms start to become common we should assume we will see alternate clients designed to make double spending as easy as possible. As for services facilitating off chain transactions, what is the difference from the consumers point of view between this and a Credit Card?, add in the fees for this off chain service and you are likely at the same cost as a CC payment. Bitcoin adds little value over cash or CC in the real world, fiat currencies for transacting locally are difficult to beat. The enthusiasm for Bitcoin is impressive, but Bitcoin's future does not lie in Subway, bars, coffee shops, etc. Bitcoin has also conclusively proved that not everybody is ready to be their own bank, here are some examples.
MtGox gaining new customers despite their banking problems being well publicised.
People complaining about the price rising after they sold coins, expecting the exchange to make up the difference (yes I have come across this on IRC and it didn't appear to be joke).
BFL pre order customers forcing refunds from PayPal, despite BFL having a poor reputation before they began accepting ASIC orders.
People losing coins because they don't understand how change addresses work.
People forgetting passwords to their wallets. *People losing coins due to insecure wallets, poor passwords, brain wallets, web wallets, etc.
The last point about security is important, I consider myself to be fairly technical but find the task of securing Bitcoins daunting. The most difficult scenario is where someone has a lot of coins but needs to spend some of them frequently. The community could really do with a dedicated guide about security listing the options and trade off's, the Bitcoin wiki page currently is a bit too focussed on the Satoshi client. Note that simply blaming the user isn't good enough, CC and cash offer a much better consumer experience (lost your credit card?, call your bank and get it cancelled and re-issued). Now the positive. I see lots of scenarios where Bitcoin is incredibly successful but the average Joe knows nearly nothing about it.
Buying things over the internet (duh), particularly internationally. Bitcoin gels very well with the increasingly globalised and smaller world that we live in.
Allowing unbanked people to participate in the global economy cheaply.
A stable and liquid reserve currency which could become a kind of meta currency. For example currently if you try to convert two disparate currencies through FOREX, say Singapore Dollar and South African Rand, the money will likely be converted into USD in between. Bitcoin could be well suited to this intermediate step.
B2B transactions, Bitcoin is great way for companies to settle with each other.
Savings, Bitcoin is a great way to diversify, whilst nothing is guaranteed in life, Bitcoin being widely adopted means it is likely to hold it's value.
The last point is also important, one common theme I see in the Bitcoin community is that of banks hating Bitcoin. For investment banks in particular this is likely to false, they currently trade and speculate on a large number of commodities every day and would welcome a global instrument like Bitcoin. Retail banks don't have much to fear either, as previously mentioned even Bitcoiners love to be able to reverse payments in some circumstances (BFL pre orders). I suspect the reason the banks are not all over Bitcoin yet, is due to a combination of regulatory worries and inertia. Banks have become risk averse since the 2008 financial collapse and it would be disingenuous to suggest that Bitcoin is without risk. One final point about inflation versus deflation, roughly speaking most western countries were on the gold standard for about a 100 years, and we have been off it for nearly as long. What is often ignored by newcomers to Bitcoin (but I have seen raised in the community) is that a monetary system is not independent of the world it exists in. The last hundred years have seen a huge increase in the planets population and this will inevitably bring with it resource scarcity. There may be a perfect one size fits all monetary policy, I doubt Bitcoin will be it, but Bitcoin may be exactly what the world needs to get the world through leaner times. So to summarise, I find it hard to envision Bitcoin replacing fiat completely, if Bitcoin is really successful fiat could be commonly measured against Bitcoin.
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